Warrior Women

I have always wanted to be a warrior.  I want to fight important battles and save the world.  I have always wanted to be important, I want to have something to offer the world.

This morning it hit me, a realization that some great warrior women have influenced me, have been a part of my life and they are now in the presence of their King, worshiping.  Their earthly prayer and worship has become a heavenly offering.  Each of these warriors that have left this earth over the last year, spent time praying for me.  I will never forget being a scared teenager, the night before a surgery and getting a phone call from one of these amazing women and she prayed for me and encouraged me and reminded me of who I was in Christ.  Another one of these women prayed faithfully for our youngest and was always quick to check-up on him and his health.  Some of these women prayed for my mom before she was my mom, before she was a Crocker and prayed for me through childhood and adolescence and into adulthood.  I look at the children in my life, will I be that for them?

These women died with Christ on their lips.  They inhaled Christ and exhaled prayer and praise.  That is who I want to be, I have asked myself over the last week, do I need to be in my nineties or can I do it now, can I be a warrior like that now.  In the kingdom of our God, being a warrior is not about tackling important problems in my own strength but taking it to the throne of my King.

May I be a warrior that inhales Christ and exhales prayer and praise!

Just Another Day....

Today I had plans, not a lot of plans, but plans. I planned on dropping my oldest off to board a bus to begin her first solo adventure. I planned on returning to Torrington. I planned on going to coffee with a friend and I planned on going on a date with my husband. The day started as planned, I did drop my oldest off, I didn't plan on crying, but I did. And then all our plans dissolved. It was snowing and the weather cam on 85 looked sketchy, so we thought we'd wait a bit. Then our youngest, who has been sick for a week got progressively worse, so we stayed longer and our day changed and became something beautiful. Yes, I cared for a sick one, but I also did some school planning and some blogging and some reading and some worship service dreaming. Nana took care of the two boys and we went to the library for coffee and to check out this one book that I wanted...

and we came home, with these (nothing more romantic than roaming the stacks)....

and then we went to get gifts for each other, Vans for him and Toms for me...

and now for a night of temp taking, making the little one comfortable, reading and on this Valentine's Day, enjoying the life we've made together.  It's not all roses and dinners.  Its parenting and ministry. Its being a team.  It may not have been one of the most romantic Valentines but it was one of the most satisfying. I love the life we created. I love the ways we are learning to love each other. I love our story.

its okay

its okay... to be hungry
its okay... to be less than warm
its okay... to be tired
its okay... to feel empty
its okay... to be in need
its okay ...to be uncomfortable
its okay... to not have a "perfect" body
its okay... to have weakness

I had a light bulb moment awhile ago. I realized that far too much of my life had become a pursuit of comfort. So I have taken the last month to be thankful and to repeat to myself over and over those statements at the top. To realize that at times I will be tired and at times I will have energy. At times I will be empty and at others my soul will be overflowing. At times I will be cold, seriously, I live in Wyoming, but its an opportunity to wear a really cute sweater and boots. At times my strengths will not line up with the task at hand and I will have to grow and I will have to ask for help and thats okay. At times my bathroom will be really gross but guess what, I probably got to read to my kids that day or maybe I had coffee with a friend or made dinner for someone, regardless, who cares about the bathroom. Sometimes I won't be caught up, but what is caught up anyway? What I am saying is.... its okay to be me and its okay to ride the waves of life. God is there in the hunger and the cold, he fills up my longing and brings rest to my weary body. He knows need and provides for me in that moment. He created me, every single cell, he created me! He knows my weakness, all of it and he has still created good works for me to complete.

Although there were still some bumps in the road this month..... there was freedom in saying ...its okay