I am resolved....

I am resolved to experience JOY.... to not let my circumstances affect my disposition.... to not let my kids, husband, friends, family, money, car...change how I walk through this world.  Doesn't this sound nice, super Christian... sounds like a great Facebook status that would get a lot of "like" hits.  Its a great mantra.

BUT here is the problem, it sort of sounds like there is a lot of me in this statement, there is a lot of me getting it done (I do live in the cowboy state where we know how to "get 'er done").  I started out yesterday saying this mantra and failing and saying it and failing and saying it and failing.  I wanted to be resolved, but here is the thing, JOY doesn't come from inside me.  Does it come from inside you?  JOY, spiritual JOY, the kind that conquers all the things in my life only comes from one place, the HOLY SPIRIT.  It is one of the fruits of the Spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" - Galatians 5:22

And so once again, I'm pondering this fruit of the Spirit thing.  The fruit on an apple tree, is not the tree, nor can it control the tree, nor can it appear on its own, it comes from the tree and only a healthy tree rooted in the ground and receiving water can produce an apple.  One doesn't often find an apple tree with a peach hanging off it or an orange (especially not an orange, they need two different climates), apple trees only grow apples.  Have you ever walked by a house with fake flowers in the garden, I especially love that when it started snowing in the fall and you see these fake tulips peeking through, somebody should have told the owner that tulips only grow in the spring, mums would have kept the charade going longer.  The thing about fruit and flowers is they are a part of a plant and they don't just appear on their own.

The fruit of the Spirit is much the same way.  I can't will myself to have the fruit.  I can't be resolved to have the fruit.  I have to resolve to be connected to the plant.  I can't beat myself up for not experiencing JOY, but I can ask myself "did I run to the feet of Jesus?

This is how my last couple of days have played out since I became resolved to experience JOY, I didn't  sleep great, actually I slept great until about 5am and then didn't realize we hadn't changed the clock in our room, so I spent 45 minutes trying to convince myself to get out of bed, when my husband told me the clock wasn't changed in our room :) but I was resolved! I walked up the stairs and was told the refrigerator was not working, but I was resolved!  I made the necessary calls and moved on.  My son woke up not feeling well, but I was resolved!  My son threw a fit over math, my resolve is weakening!  School is taking longer than I planned, my resolve is definitely weakened!  I'm suddenly very tired and now my resolve is gone.  And then I come to this place....

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

So.... I am resolved to rest in the grace of my Savior, to walk where He leads me, to call on the power of the Spirit and to never manufacture fake fruit, and to watch genuine JOY grow on my branches.