its okay

its okay... to be hungry
its okay... to be less than warm
its okay... to be tired
its okay... to feel empty
its okay... to be in need
its okay ...to be uncomfortable
its okay... to not have a "perfect" body
its okay... to have weakness

I had a light bulb moment awhile ago. I realized that far too much of my life had become a pursuit of comfort. So I have taken the last month to be thankful and to repeat to myself over and over those statements at the top. To realize that at times I will be tired and at times I will have energy. At times I will be empty and at others my soul will be overflowing. At times I will be cold, seriously, I live in Wyoming, but its an opportunity to wear a really cute sweater and boots. At times my strengths will not line up with the task at hand and I will have to grow and I will have to ask for help and thats okay. At times my bathroom will be really gross but guess what, I probably got to read to my kids that day or maybe I had coffee with a friend or made dinner for someone, regardless, who cares about the bathroom. Sometimes I won't be caught up, but what is caught up anyway? What I am saying is.... its okay to be me and its okay to ride the waves of life. God is there in the hunger and the cold, he fills up my longing and brings rest to my weary body. He knows need and provides for me in that moment. He created me, every single cell, he created me! He knows my weakness, all of it and he has still created good works for me to complete.

Although there were still some bumps in the road this month..... there was freedom in saying ...its okay

My Son...

MY SON, 

if your accept my words and store up my commands within you, 

listening closely to wisdom and directing your heart to understanding; 

furthermore, if you call out to insight and lift your voice to understanding if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure,

 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God.

Proverbs 2:1-5

MY SON,

Benji, 

Today you turn 11 and my heart  rejoices in the man you are becoming 

and the young man you already are

You are already a protector

You are already creative

You are already gentle

You are already strong

But someday it will get hard, the waves will come

Will you remember our instruction?

Will you remember to come to the well that is JESUS, for only he can quench your thirst?

Will you remember that it is HE who created you and it is HE who you were created to serve?

Will you remember to be kind to your enemies and love the people around you?

Will you remember to embrace the hard, it is easier to jump into the wave

 and ride it than to try and walk against it?

Benji Boy... We love you so much and are excited to watch you enter into manhood!

Collection of Good Reads

I learned something very interesting to start the New Year.  My dad suggested that I take the StrengthsFinder 2.0, he even threw a book into my hand so that I had no excuse.  Although I am intrigued by the results of these kinds of tests, I hate taking them.  But being the obedient daughter that I have always been, I took it (note the hint of sarcasm).  Initially, I wasn't sure if I agreed with the words that stood in front of me... that's my nature to argue and disagree.  I started to read the descriptions and there I found words I could agree with, actually one of them felt like a letter written to me, describing me, knowing parts of me that I haven't been able to express - "You are inquisitive   You collect things.  You might collect information - words, facts, books, and quotations - or you might collect tangible objects...."

I collect books, words, ideas.  The only list I write each year is a list of the books I have read.  This is my collection for 2012 - a list of what I have read this year.  Something lead me to each of these books, but I didn't always find what I was looking for and the book may not have earned the right to stay in my collection.   Some of these are books I would whole-heartedly pass on and some are ones that I wasn't sure I would even finish.  I hope that as you peruse this list you find books that you already have in your collection or ones that you might want to add.  Although there are books I wouldn't recommend, I also believe that each of us must go on our own journey's and discover what we will and won't read, what ideas we want to collect and the ones that we want to leave behind.  So, I'll leave the judgement to you.  I'll share my favorites, as well as the ones I didn't prefer and let you decide for yourself.

Those that Fed my Kids...

read alouds are always some of my favorites - they provide endless hours of entertainment and start many meaningful conversations

• Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgeson Burnett
• Sir Kendrick and the Castle of Bel Lione by Chuck Black
• Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary
• The Pepins and Their Problems by Polly Horvath
• Hank the Cowdog 1, 2, & 3 by John R. Erickson
• The Bible Smuggler by Louise A. Vernon

I also read books my kids were reading to keep up with them, either for school or enjoyment. I love the way this creates a bridge between myself and them.

• Sir  Gawain and the Green Knight by J.R.R. Tolkien
• The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan
• The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart
• Boy in the Alamo by Maragret Cousins
• Dante's Inferno by Dante Alighieri
• Leepike Ridge by N.D. Wilson
• Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne

Those that Fed my Soul....

• One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (this will become a book I read yearly)
• The Chosen by Chaim Potok
• Laddie by Gene Stratton-Porter
• Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott
• Does This Church make me look fat? by Rhoda Janzen
• Adopted for Life by Russell Moore
• Truefaced by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNichol and John S. Lynch (this has bcome a yearly read for me)

Those that Informed my Thoughts...

     

     as a Spiritual being...

• Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman by Annie Ortlund
• Real Marriage by Mark & Grace Driscoll
• The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller
• Erasing Hell by Francis Chan
• Scent of Water by Naomi Zaccharias
• Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver

     as a Mom and Teacher...

• How to Grow a Young Reader by Kathryn Lindskoog & Renalda Mack Hunsickler
• Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax
• Instructing a Child's Heart by Ted and Margy Tripp

     as an Intellectual being...

• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
• Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
• Majestie: The King Behind the King James Bible by David Teems
• Crazymakers: How the Food Industry is Destroying our by Brains and Harming our Children by Carol Simontacchi
• Imagination: How Creativity Works by Jonah Lehrer
• The Happiness Diet by Tyler G. Graham and Drew Ramsey
• Paris and the Past: Traveling Through French History by Train by Ina Caro

Those that are given the title of Fiction...

some entertained by the pool, some provoked thought , some aroused an emotional response

• Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson
• And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie
• The House I Loved by Tatiana de Rosnay
• The Ezekiel Option by Joel Rosenberg
• The Copper Scroll by Joel Rosenberg
• Dead Heat by Joel Rosenberg
• The Double Bind by Chris Bohjalian
• Rosie by Anne Lamott
• Peaches for Father Francis by Joanne Harris

Following

Following... following along... following behind... following, following, following... following Jesus, following my husband, following church leaders, following government leaders... Following.  

The more I say it, the more I feel it setting a rhythm for my heart, but it must be setting a rhythm and my heart must walk in step.  

But it doesn't... the rhythm goes on and my heart is sitting on the side of the road in its big fluffy pink prom dress, with its tiara, watching the rhythm pass by and its pouting a big pout. My head is telling my heart to get itself off the side of the street and fall into rhythm and join the parade but my heart just doesn't want to.  It doesn't follow well, of all the things it does well, following is not one of them....

Jesus is pretty clear on this following thing.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies it bears much fruit.  Whoever loses his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  If anyone serves me, he must FOLLOW me; and where I am, there will my servant be also.  If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.  John 12:24-26

So, I ask myself, am I following.  When you see me, do you see Jesus or just Cristine.  If all you see is Cristine, then I'm not following well. Following is hard, it requires death.  It means death to myself, to my desires, to my wants and my dreams.  I can't even tell you how many hours I've spent crying because following is hard.  Christ promises great things if I FOLLOW him and the the people he's asked me to follow.  He promises that I will bear much fruit.  He promises me eternity. He promises me honor.  BUT I have to follow.  I have to get off the curb, I have to quit going the opposite direction, I have to stand up and walk with him.  His dreams must become my dreams, his desires my desires, his actions my actions.  No more Cristine... only Christ.   

Following... following... following,,, following

Beginning

Let this be true of me and my kids, that their stories would begin with my prayer

Things I LOVE....

hot chocolate toting, backpack lugging Kids

walking the halls of the library, the place where ideas are stored and easily found.

the place where one hears people talking about things like the UN, human rights, Gingerbread Baby, colonists and communism

pulling out books, laying them out, making sense of ideas, 

writing them down, realizing that you don't know everything

wandering in the stacks hoping to find the perfect book, the one that sends shivers up your spine, 

or inspires you to make the coolest Lego contraption ever 

or finding that new story that  makes you forget the world around you

knowing that when you walk out you have become different... new ideas have become a part of you

full of quiet

there is a book laying next to me waiting to be read.. sufjan stevens is playing. kids are crocheting or reading.   hot cup of tea next to me. and i'm drinking in the quiet.  thinking about Sunday, what will we teach the kids about Chirst, thinking about advent, what will we teach our people about HIS coming.  

HIS coming to bring peace and joy and hope and redemption.  HIS coming to bring COMFORT

this is what christmas is supposed to be... not hurried, not rushed. 

but 

full of  JOY and PEACE

Hot Tea and Books

Sweet Music