Dear Blog, I've missed you

Dear Blog,

I've missed you.  Its been a long time since I've had the time and space to write to you.  The many miles on the road, the packing, unpacking and repacking.  The cleaning out of the car and the sleep necessary to rest from such excursions. Oh yeah, and of course, the lack of constant internet connectivity.  I have to admit although I've missed blogging, I didn't miss being constantly connected to the internet. I enjoyed the space away from the world, the time spent pondering without producing... space and time that was just mine.

While I was gone I spent a lot of time thinking about engagement.  Asking the question, how engaged is my heart?  Kind of a scary question, my heart tends to not be as engaged as I want it to be.  Even today, I want to be engaged with my kids, but my spirit isn't still, my heart a bit anxious, and so I find my mind preoccupied.  I asked some college students to answer this question, to reflect on their engagement level.  In this I realized, my own struggle, the fight  to not let my heart go which ever way the wind blows, sometimes to multi-task so much that I'm not really accomplishing anything (a year or so ago I realized I can't cook and talk on the phone... I burn everything), sometimes it just means I'm far too connected to the world outside my home and not as connected as I need to be to my husband and my children.  When my heart struggles with engagement, my mouth struggles with kindness and my spirit struggles with quietness... a quiet and gentle spirit, I am not.

So, dear blog, I hope you will understand that sometimes I must disconnect from the computer and the world, so that my heart can be connected to my Savior, my husband, my kids, my mission and even myself.