2011... a year of JOY, ADVENTURE, and FAITH

We can truly say...that NEVER ONCE have we ever been alone, God has been faithful at every step.

The Gift of Silence

This Christmas we headed out to the family ranch to enjoy the quiet and each other.  The day after Christmas Paul and I took a couple of walks up into the pasture.  On the second walk, we kept walking and walking until we got to this place where you could see for miles and the silence was piercing.  I just kept looking at the hills and breathing in deeply.  The sights and the lack of sound awakened my heart.

We decided to take the kids up there the next day, I wanted to share my experience with them. So everyone got bundled up and of course, there is groaning, I don't want to go, why do we have to walk, it will be boring, why, why why.  So Paul says, there is surprise up there for you.  Now they are willing to go....

We get up to the stock tank and they say, "What is the surprise?".  Paul answers, "The Gift of Silence."  Cue the groans, this sounded like the boringest thing ever.  But slowly the silence began to work its way into their souls.  They let down their guard and they started find rest in the silence.

On the way back to the house, Benji grabbed my hand and started sharing his heart with me and then Malaki grabbed Paul and I's hands and started talking and then Mika.  It was this one perfect moment on the way down the hill.

It opened the door for them to find rest.  When we got back to the house, naps were had, games were played, and stories were told.

I'm learning that that rest and silence is a gift we can give to each other.  Its also something we can with-hold from each other.  I long for rest and silence and I think that deep down all of our souls long for rest and silence.  This new year will bring lots of opportunities for us to give the gift of rest and silence to each other and I think we might learn something new about who we are and who God is.

Making Space for my Soul

I was at a lunch gathering of a bunch of women in the district of churches we belonged to when a question was thrown out to a couple of us, "How do you make space for your soul to breathe?"  This question hit me head on and even made me angry.  Its a really benign question on the surface but deep down it hit a nerve, it hit this place where I consistently struggle.  I was frustrated because I was already frazzled, I had done school with my kids at Panera (always an experience), I was already planning towards the weekend, I needed to pack for a retreat, drop my cousin at the airport in Denver come back, clean the basement we live in so people could stay at mom's for Thanksgiving and then head to Rapid City for Thanksgiving and I was sick.  There are certain areas in my life that I don't seem to be capable of honesty, I don't seem to be able to say this is too much, I don't seem to be capable of saying I'm tired, I just get grumpier and angrier and punish everyone who I won't say no to.  I'm pretty sure its a super healthy way of handling life.

Even in the midst of this frazzledness I have this question burning into my heart, how do I make room?  This conversation explodes inside my head and I'm sorta scared that the rest of the world can hear what my heart is saying.   I started with answers, that weren't really answers to the question.  It was like a really hard question on an essay exam, where you start by working around the problem until you can work yourself into the core of the problem.  My answers were, I like reading, it feeds my soul, I should read more.  I like working out, I should work out more.  I like cooking, I should cook more.  I hope you are laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, I hope you caught on right away, that I was just creating another list to fulfill, only this list was supposed to bring me rest.  The dilemma is that I never find rest in lists.

I spent the entire month of December trying to figure this out, how was I going to make space for my soul to breathe, to find rest.  I had to start the process by asking myself if I even thought it was important enough to make a priority.  That was the easy question, I know that when my soul isn't finding rest, when its not being fed, when its going from activity to activity that I implode.  I get sick, I get crabby and I start crying over everything.  I have to make space.  But how and am I really willing to say "no", to be honest, to admit that I am a weak human who needs space, to say that I trust God enough to know that he can accomplish his plans without me always being the go to girl.  And coming to a place of a deep knowledge that he loves me because of who I am, not because of what I do.

One of these days I will find a rhythm to making space, to leaving room for my soul to be fed.  Right now, its something like a baby learning to walk, stand up, fall down, stand up , walk two steps, fall down.  Its not smooth, its not graceful and I keep falling down.  But I believe that if pursue this rhythm I will soon be running an dancing gracefully.  And I believe that my heavenly father is watching me, delighting in my first steps, because He knows the path that I am on and where this journey will take me.

Waiting

December is this time when we are reminded to wait.  It is the season of advent, the season to be reminded of the waiting that occurred 2000 years ago.  The Jewish nation had waited for a Redeemer for centuries and Mary waited for 9 months for a baby.  We begin to practice waiting four Sundays before Christmas and call it advent.  For our family, the Advent season has begun to take on more and more meaning.  Each year we add or modify our tradition until it feels like maybe it is unique to us.  These traditions have become more important to me than our Christmas traditions.  I always end up wishing they could last all year, but then they wouldn't be special.

Advent for us means extra time as a family and more saying "no".  This is hard this time of year when there is a Christmas party around every corner, but when it comes down to it I want my kids to remember, reading, hot chocolate, putting together a puzzle, playing at the library, not extra time spent with a sitter while mom and dad go to parties.

The foundation of our Advent season is reading.  Paul and I are reading Behold the Lamb of God by Russ Ramsey.  The goal is not necessarily for us to talk about it together, but rather to direct our hearts in the same direction.  At night before bed we are reading Tabitha's Travels by Arnold Ytreeide.  This is the third book in a trilogy about children who happened upon the birth of Jesus as well as different individuals who a part of the birth.  We have read all three and had read the first one three years in a row.  It has been great to find the space and commit to reflecting on the birth of our Savior each evening.

Another favorite of the Advent season is our puzzle.  We started this last year.  I divide up the puzzle pieces for each day and each morning they get to open a bag.  The kids can't wait to get up and do their puzzle.  Its like Christmas morning every morning.  We try to keep the picture hidden so the kids can practice waiting.  This year the boys figured it out the third day.

Our newest activity this year is the Lego Advent Calender.  I don't have a good reason for this, except the kids love Legos and it looked super fun.  They are loving watching the city expand and grow.

Advent is all about waiting and the anticipation that erupts with the waiting.  Its about seeing a million small pieces come together into one big picture, a big picture where a Savior leaves his throne in heaven to enter our mess here on earth.  This is what we remember, this is what brings us hope and a willingness to live well in anticipation of the day when he comes again.