Coming to the truth of myself has been a long hard journey. The truth about who I am, the truth about the ways I've been wounded and the truth about how I've wounded others. I have fought and argued with God, myself and all the voices in my head. I have needed to be right, needed to be okay, needed to not know the truth. But the truth has a way of finding itself out, maybe even exploding into my consciousness. And the response either has to be to acknowledge the questions the truth presents or push them down deeper, hopefully, suffocating them in an attempt to never see them again. I'm finding that for my own heart the only way to come to the truth is the practice of silence and in the moments of silence choosing to allow God to begin to shed layers without passing judgement on myself, without falling off an emotional precipice, but literally just sit with the truth. Recognizing the truth for what it is and sitting with it. In these moments, I'm giving God the space to speak to me and direct me, completely relying on Him to tell me what we (God and I together) are doing with the truth. But this only comes out of silence, not studying, not talking,not doing.... In the silence...... my heart can rest and breathe deeply and allow God to heal and comfort and direct.
